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December 15th, 2006
07:00 am - I am at work.
I am using the Eastmen's computers to use livejournal. I feel so dirty.
Me and Jeb turn 20 this weekend. What a divisible number.
I have to get up at 3am every morning for my job.
I go to bed at 1am usually. I'm always tired.
I do in fact love my job though. It pays well and is stress free.
I am replacing Millie soon. She's good but at the end of her road.
Fin.
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September 21st, 2006
11:26 am - Resident Evil 4 movie news.
Rumours about the new Resident Evil IV movie are floating all around the internet, and supposedly http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0010075/ (Jensen Ackles) is to cast to play Leon Scott Kennedy in the movie.
That's right. LEON'S COMIN' TO THE BIG SCREEN.
It makes me sick. >:O
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August 28th, 2006
12:26 pm - Wow.
What a week or so.
Nothing at all I could say is as important as the fact I have a kitten now, because everyone else has one.
My roommate's ex bought the kitten (payed for, all of its shots/spade etc.) done, and just gave it to us. Said thanks. The reason was the person she bought it for no longer wanted it.
It's a beautiful all black, long-haired kitten named Strawberrie. MmMm.
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August 19th, 2006
05:37 am - Tie the rope, kick the chair; leaving me hanging there, gasping for air.
I saw it so clearly. The way things were, is, and will be. It was different like I had imagined when I was younger.
I thought it was hard, but it's so easy. Being happy, that is.
Jeb: I've set your NGC thing to record tomorrow, come watch it soon.
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July 6th, 2006
10:54 pm - 'cause I'm free, free-fffffaaaallin'.
Well, I'm moving into my new house Saturday, where I will be living with my roommate Johnathon and his son Dante. I'm so excited, more excited than I have been about anything else ever.
I talked to my parents about it tonight. I thought they'd be upset, but they see this is best for me. Mom isn't surprised, though she cried. She feels it's something that would do me some good, to help me understand things abit better.
I love the house. I can go sit on the front porch in the morning before work, and maybe sip orange juice or kool-aid and reflect. Maybe even a little prayer.
I wish I could describe the amazing feeling this gives me. This freedom, without the flaws and errors of my past "move-out decision" months ago.
Thank you, God. It's things like this that make me know without a doubt there's such a kind power as you.
Current Mood: The best mood ever.
Current Music: The Jeuno Moghouse music,
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June 27th, 2006
10:27 am - The daily odyssey.
A week ago I had a light breakdown. I had it coming, I was pushing myself too much in too many directions, and not getting guidance for either one. I took a small break one day, did a little thinking, a little relaxing, and some higher-power understanding and was able to push all the bad stuff I had floating around me and in me away. It shows, too. I'm even able to notice it, where I couldn't before when I had it. It's good to be able to breath in and out, and not feel air get caught in my lungs, 'cause of all the junk I had held inside me.
I have to be careful, too. I've almost started cursing again. I need to nip that in the bud.
Current Mood:  I feel great.
Current Music: Blue October - Weight of the World (Argue With the Trees)
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June 21st, 2006
07:20 pm - What is wrong with me?
I can't see anything right anymore. My brain is going into high-gear. I can't even trust my best friend when he's talking to me anymore. I'm always looking over my shoulder. I'm always second-guessing. "It's all in your head." At work I can fake it, but I can't always fake it. Gah, I sound like one of those MySpace emos, one of those AFI nobodies, but I can't help it. People feel sad, right? They feel like crap sometimes, they get down, and they feel like everything is against them? Other people feel like this, too, right?
I don't want to be crazy. I hate this "it's all in your head" crap. Can someone tell me they've felt like this before? I want to pray, but I can't. My head hurts, I can't fight it. I'm so scared. I'm so scared of God and of my friends. I'm afraid of my martial arts, of Eric, of my parents. I'm so afraid of my father, because he's in the hospital again and if he doesn't come back the same what is going to happen. I'm afraid. I'm scared.
Why am I like this? I'm afraid of myself. I'm going to lose everyone I care about if I don't fix myself but I don't know how and I can't talk to anyone. I try to talk to Jeb but I hate putting this stuff on him, he doesn't deserve it. It's not his place. That's not what friends are for. What are they for? Those bookmark phrases and feel-good novelletes are useless.
I want fixed.
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June 17th, 2006
05:51 pm
This isn't going to work.
And I'm so angry.
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June 10th, 2006
10:57 am - like two brothers on a hotel bed...
I'm listening to Michelle Branch and it's reminding of Mae, and me and her laying on a blanket on my porch, listening to it on the cd player that we had dragged out from my room. It was the first summer of our high school career; and we were just trying out the relationship, to see how it fit. It was a good fit, for awhile; things always turned sour with us though. I don't know why I'm thinking these things now, about relationships. I was content to settle into an FFXI mood, and try to ease my migraine.
I think I'm on the verge of falling for someone, but I never see them. She likes me, but there's no time there for us. How does that work? If you can't be with someone, there's no chance of growth, and without growth there's stagnation, and with stagnation there's only disease and death. Relationships is like water; it can be nurturing, or it can be deadly. I want to see her. She's never home. Maybe. Someday.
These migraines are killing me. I'm taking them well, but it's making it very hard to drive, or to play FFXI, or to read, or to work, or to concentrate on anything than pain behind my eyes and this feeling in my stomach. Mom says it's stress. What am I stressed about? The world is going good. Things are in place, my friends are my friends and I am not asking anymore of myself or them than I should. There's no reason for my nerves to go above and beyond--even my money is situation is good now that I've started back at BK.
I don't want to grow old, I'm afraid this will happen:
You may tire of me as our December sun is setting, 'cause I'm not who I used to be. No longer easy on the eyes, and these wrinkles masterfully disguise the youthful boy below, who turned your way and saw something he was not looking for--both a beginning and an end. But now he lives inside someone he does not recognize, when he catches his reflection on accident.
On the back of a motor bike, with your arms outstretched trying to take flight, leaving everything behind. But even at our swiftest speeds we couldn't break from the concrete of the city where we still reside. And I have learned that even landlocked lovers yearn for the sea like navy men. 'Cause now we say goodnight from our own separate side, like two brothers on a hotel bed.
Current Location: Blade: Ten Country.
Current Mood: Indifference.
Current Music: All sorts of stuff.
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June 1st, 2006
12:52 pm - Move along, move along...
I feel full. I feel ready. I feel like things are going in a good direction. There's mystery, surprise, and the idea of not knowing what's ahead. There's security, and knowing everything will be alright. Now, to just keep it like that.
Current Mood:  /grin
Current Music: All American Rejects - Move Along
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